Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
