I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize