highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
