You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
