And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
