I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you will always have a special place in my vag
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
