i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
