i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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