hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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