small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
