seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
