low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
