is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
if only i could text you this smell
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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