i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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