Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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