I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
