Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
