How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
