Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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