Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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