Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
