There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
