I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
someone threw a dead crab at me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Come on in and take your pants off
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