There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think people are normalizing furries
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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