i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
