Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
