so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
