Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
