you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize