Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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