I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
this hospital has no fireball
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
