My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
