Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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