Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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