standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize