Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
