We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
