I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
