just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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