this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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