when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
