tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
