Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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