So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize