After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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