Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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