It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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