I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
