Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
