I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
