She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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