the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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