she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
