Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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