Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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