do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
