I got chris browned last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
