I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
