The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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