I want to walk on stilts...naked
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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