i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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